several times while I was preaching to people and seeing some progress in their eyes, I felt that I was telling them a cartoon rather than reality...and these nagging doubts were never told to them.... why? because I could be wrong and I did not want my doubts to effect their chance at finding "the truth"... I suspect that many are just as conflicted and confused while being a JW, including the GB.
there were times, many, which I felt that I would never make it...but if my life could be "USED" by God to save another it would still be worth the efforts... guilt is a strange and wonderful cure for happiness ...but pushes at you just the same.
as to blame... blame can only exist if there are real alternatives to reality...which of course there is not.
no one, not even a god has been given this power... no one can alter a single step that lead to the present moment....and its always the present moment...
the last event prior to this event happened about 10E-23 seconds ago...faster then any known ability to alter... according to many studies conducted since the 1960s, it takes 3/10th of a second for us to be conscious of what is going on around us... so reality is long gone when we become aware of it...and have no ability to alter what already took place... our reactions are largely reflexive and part of a great chain of internal events over which we have but the illusion of control.